Good morning,
I got up this morning and listened to the Malachi clip Lee Ann posted yesterday. I have been sitting here with Jesus. I keep thinking about my childhood. Every year at Christmas my dad would spend thousands of dollars on gifts for all eight of us. Tvs, bikes, pool tables, etc, filled the house full of expensive gifts, going into debt every year. Throughout the year we did not shop or buy clothes or things, so this was not usual to receive gifts. Within a few months of receiving these gifts, they would be damaged, left outside, or just thrown into the squalor we lived in. There was no foundation set to appreciate these gifts and it repeated every year until dad died.
I sat with Jesus this morning after listening to this Malachi clip and thought, “This is my greatest fear, Lord, that I will take for granted what you have done for me, that when you grow quiet, I will build a golden calf or puff myself up in what I think pleases you.” I know what I am without Jesus. That is what I am without him.
I feel like if nothing is between me and Jesus, then nothing will be between the body and me. There will be fellowship between us all. I cried to Jesus this morning that nothing be between him and me. I don’t want to have any of that old girl keeping me from Jesus. I realize more and more how much I am nothing. I keep hearing sister Willie’ words ringing in my heart: “a mouth full of thankfulness”.
That is no small thing. That is a lifeline. Thankful for the day Jesus came into the gutter to carry me out. I just wanted to write you this morning. It always eases my heart, always has. I have enjoyed the deep cleaning time with Jesus. Just talking about these things with him has felt cleaner and better. I fell in love with how real God was when I found Him; all the broken parts were ok to be brought to Jesus. I fell in love with the sincerity of Jesus. I fell in the love with the openness of being able to write you and the openness of sharing my heart here.
I want to live in that place you talk about: just to be the person that Jesus created me to be, so that there is nothing between him and me, or between me and anyone else in the body.
Beth