Pastor John,
Do you remember a few years back when Jerry told a testimony about me needing a finishing point with God, the feeling of being saved? At one point Jerry said, “What are you trying to do? Sneak in with something in your back pocket? Are you an ax murderer and I don’t know it?”
I hope you remember because the sweetest thing has happened.
For days now I have been overwhelmed with peace, a peace about everything. I have been listening to you singing “A Deep Settled Peace” over and over. As I listened to it, I thought, Jesus, the truth in songs is so much better when you experience it. Sometimes you can sing it and know it’s true, but not experience that truth yet, and it’s so much sweeter to sing and feel it when you do! I was telling Jesus that I would like to tell about this peace, but I know as soon as I do, I will probably fall apart or something. I said out loud to Jesus, “But it’s in there Lord! There isn’t any talking it away when it’s in there!”
Then Jesus brought to mind that testimony Jerry gave, and my feelings about needing to feel saved. That has always been there since I found out the truth. Something in me needed to feel the security of being saved. I have had a fear that if I could mess it up with Jesus, I would!
Well, when Jesus brought that testimony and fear to mind, it was instantly followed with what he just let me experience with Jerry’s mom. I will try to explain. I didn’t know Jesus was coming that day. Jerry’s mom did not know Jesus was coming. Jesus came in that back door so fast that we didn’t have time to pray, or think, or do. His mom’s heart met all Jesus’s requirements in that moment, and our faithful Jesus came in like a mighty rushing wind and saved her. Not in the way the world says “saved”, but really came and rescued a dying woman.
I had Jesus in such a box, but I couldn’t even see that until he came in and worked outside of that box. I saw it with my own eyes. I would have told her to do all these things, but none of it was what Jesus required of her. Jesus did not need me to help him save her, and Jesus does not need me to help him save me!
There is such a peace in that! I feel like Jesus let me see him work so he could add that peace to me. I am still in awe at what I experienced that day. And deep inside, I know I still have him in a box BUT I know I do, and that brings me such faith! Knowing it gives me such faith! I absolutely know Jesus works outside of my box; I saw him with my own eyes!
I feel like I started out with Jesus blindly and wildly groping for him in the dark, terrified I wouldn’t be able to grab onto him, and over these years, with experience after experience, the wild groping has stopped and a calm listening for his voice has begun. I would almost say I feel a sweet, finger-snapping stroll at the moment … but I’m not that brave yet!
But isn’t that wonderful, PJ! Jesus is always working for all of us! What a faithful and true friend we have! I sure hope you remember that other testimony so you can share this sweetness with me.
Beth D.