Good Morning Pastor John,
Last night’s meeting was so good to me. I love how Jesus comes around, grabs my hand, and loves me.
I have been in the trenches with Jesus. The past week I have been downright frustrated. Not bitter, but just the feeling of ugh Jesus, I know you have a plan, but why has a specific journey for Alex and I been so hard and heartbreaking. I started condemning myself over my frustration and sadness. I started to have a feeling that it was not normal, and I should be just peachy with every circumstance. What you said last night broke everything I had been feeling. “Don’t pretend to love everything God does.” In my Spirit it was relief. I don’t have to fake it. I am not broken because I was frustrated. It didn’t mean I loved Jesus or the truth any less. The sadness and frustration were real feelings. Just as the happiness and joy are real along the way. I know one day I will rejoice completely and see every little thing Jesus did during this time in our lives. I am so grateful that we are allowed to have normal feelings as we walk through hard journeys in this life. That it is okay to tell God we don’t like something and question it. I love what was said about complaining up instead of out. That is where it matters. I am so thankful I complained up last night and Jesus sweetly took my frustration.
I have been reading in 1st Samuel.* It stood out to me that Hannah did not complain during her journey. Not even to her husband, after Peninnah kept provoking her. She took her requests straight to God. She went up instead of out and God heard her requests. I pray that Jesus teaches me more of how to do that. To keep coming and showing up to Him. To keep doing the right thing even when the journey is hard.
I hope I got all of that out where it makes sense.
It feels so nice to have the Spirit refresh you. I feel a sigh of relief today and it makes me tear up that Jesus loves us that much. I feel like he has dusted me off, set me back upright and said come on you got this.
I hope to see you soon!
Love,
Margo
* https://goingtojesus.com/gtj_translation.html?tname=1samuel