Good morning John,
I recently had a brief conversation on Facebook with my cousin, Steve, about comments he had made on a couple of my Facebook posts. The first one was on a photo album I posted as “My family” from our Photos of the Day. He commented, “Where are the rest of them?” to which I responded, “Good question, Steve, I would love to see them in these pictures with us.” The next one was on my post of the Father and Son music CD link, with the lyrics to Darren’s song, “What About Me?” To this he commented, “think your kids are saying the same thing?”
So, I sent Steve a private message asking him what he meant by that. He responded by telling me he couldn’t understand how someone could leave their family and those that love him, and that he’s frustrated by my Mom and how much she misses me. I responded again by letting him know that what he has been hearing is not true. He never replied, but instead unfriended me from his Facebook friends.
I emailed my Mom yesterday to let her know about this conversation and how I felt about it. Below is my email to her and the Facebook conversation with my cousin. I haven’t heard anything back from my Mom yet.
Vince
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Mom,
I had a text conversation on Facebook recently with Steve that I found very troubling. I asked him about some strange comments he was making on my Facebook page regarding my kids, and I could hardly believe what I found out you were saying about me. In the same breath he mentioned me “leaving my family” and that he “gets frustrated because your Mom misses you too”.
I would like to know, why you are telling Steve, and probably whoever else you come in contact with, that I have “left my family”? That is a downright LIE, and you know it. This kind of talk, along with the many other rotten things that you have said and done toward me and my wife Amy in the last year, are the very reasons why you do not see me anymore.
After our conversation, Steve then did a very strange thing after this conversation. After accusing me of “leaving my family”, and then hearing the truth of the matter, he never even responded, but instead removed me as a friend on his Facebook account!
Here is the conversation:
Me:
Hi Steve,
I noticed your comments on a couple of my recent posts. Most recently: “think your kids are saying the same thing?”
What exactly did you mean by that?
Whatever you have been told about the situation between my kids and me, I don’t think it belongs in a public forum. Why would you not come to me directly if you have questions or comments like this? It sounds like you may be hearing some things that are simply not true, and I would be happy to respond to them.
Thanks,
Vince
Steve:
I just get confused, do not understand why one would leave their family and those that love him. Ive done kind of the same thing and go to AA for the last 11 years. i get frustrated cause your mom also misses you! ill stop being a goof and will be nice:) we all have to do what makes us ok with who we are. i sometimes forget that i hurt alot of people when doing this.
Me:
Where in the world did you get the idea that I left my family?! My ex-wife had me dumped in the street with little more than the shirt on my back, after having snuck behind my back to get the support of a psychotherapist to rob my children from me and turn them against me (a psychotherapist who, by the way, had never even met or spoken to me before she drafted an official court document stating that I should not be allowed around my children). Over the last 3 years, I have bent over backwards to try and get my kids to spend time with me – I have even gone so far as to offer to pay my son to spend time with me rather than spending hours upon hours with a psychotherapist. He refused the offer. Both of my kids have always had an open door to be with me – and I have encouraged them to – but they have utterly refused, saying they don’t want to have anything to do with me. So to say that I left them is ludicrous. They FORCED me out.As for my Mom, my wife Amy and I wanted nothing more than to have a good relationship with her – to help her and spend time with her – and this is still what we would like, if my Mom were to stop acting ugly toward us. But she has treated us – especially my new wife – very badly, and has said and done some really awful things toward us – not the least of which is, apparently, slandering me to ones like you, saying, falsely, that I “left my family”. And she has made no apologies for her behavior, neither has she stopped saying these kinds of things, even after I confronted her about it numerous times.
There is, of course, much more to the story, but I think you get the idea of what really has happened. If you have any questions or concerns in the future, I would appreciate it if you contacted me directly. This is all I have expected from anyone who has been hearing the lies that have been told about me.
Take care Steve,
Vince
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Welcome to the club, Vince. Until Jesus’ relatives were delivered from the influence of slander and their own opinions, they thought he was insane too (Mk. 3), and probably spoke much evil about him. We know that the ministers of Jesus’ time told people that he was demon-possessed, and said other cruel things to and about him (from Mark 3):
20. And the multitude came together again, so that they could not even eat bread.
21. And when [Jesus’] kinsmen heard of it, they came out to take him, for they were saying, “He’s lost his mind.”
22. And the scribes who came down from Jerusalem were saying, “He is possessed by Beelzebul” and “He casts out demons by the prince of demons.”
In the Sermon on the Mount, in Matthew 5, Jesus told us that for us to be slandered is one evidence that we are on the right track with God:
¶10. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
¶11. Blessed are you whenever people revile and persecute you, and say every evil thing against you falsely, for my sake.12. Rejoice, and be glad! Your reward is great in heaven, for that is how they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
As you know, certain family members of mine have done the same sort of things to me (and to this precious body of believers with me), as you have had done to you. They have spread awful lies about me in public that have damaged my reputation and hurt many innocent children of God, dear saints whom they do not know. But, Vince, always remember that being persecuted is just part of the process of growing in grace. As Paul said, “If we suffer with him, we will reign with him.”
My father taught me (and, I assume, the rest his children) that if we persecute someone, that person is farther along in Christ than we are; the lesson being, we should not persecute anyone if we hope to grow in Christ. We do not want to be the kind of people who strike back when harmed, or ever to speak evil of others, especially in a public forum. Paul pointed out to the saints in Corinth that it is a great evil for any child of God to go to the world with a complaint against another child of God. That is a sin which brings dishonor to the precious name of Jesus. As for my mother, she taught me (and, I assume, the rest of her children) that it is wrong for a child of God to go to the world and speak evil of another one of God’s children. “God’s children should keep their criticisms to themselves and settle their conflicts among themselves,” she told me when I was young in the Lord. Thankfully, Jesus has helped me remember that wise counsel.
You, and I, and others in Christ who have suffered abuse at the hands of others, can gladly and humbly endure the pain of being misunderstood and slandered, and pray sincerely for the ones who are guilty, so long as we keep in mind what Paul (who also was abused and slandered) wrote: “I deem the present sufferings unworthy of comparison with the glory which will be revealed in us.” Let’s live in that hope!
Your real Father (God) and your real mother (the body of Christ) love you, Vince, and speak very highly of you all the time.
Pastor John