I am usually out riding my bike for my morning warm-up by 7a.m., nearly everyday of the week. Sometimes, I hike in the hills or jog on the all-weather baseball field. When I’m climbing in the hills, that’s where the solitude is, and I oftentimes spend more time thinking about Jesus on those hiking days, lingering in a private spot atop the ridge to pray through.
On Thursday morning, I felt that God wanted to “do something with me;” we needed some time together—and that meant a hike in the hills! So, off I ran, up through the little valley behind the park, past the cows and scurrying ground squirrels, and arrived at my new prayer spot. . . a fallen tree on the eastern crest of the hilltop, awash in early morning sun. The Spirit fell on me heavily, and I was speaking in tongues with a dramatic urgency. As Paul said, sometimes the Spirit speaks through us, making intercession with groanings. On this morning I was a real groaner! God was turning up the volume. Something in me wanted to cry, to sob, to moan and groan deeply. For a moment or so I even felt convulsive. (He can make you move!) I was on my knees but I fell over a couple times, jolted by the power of God. The words that began to come from inside of me, in English, were prayers of such lowliness of spirit, more humbling than I have ever felt; followed by pleas for God’s mercy and blessing.
These are some of the things I felt and said:
“Oh God, I am NOTHING! Nothing without you! I am not worthy of your love, and yet you love me still! I am so insignificant in this universe, yet so significant to you. Thank you for your Spirit! Thank you for your mercy, and your forgiveness. . . I do not deserve it. I am as worthless as this dirt! In my flesh I am more detestable than the cow manure on this ground!”
I was physically lower than I have ever been, in prayer. I couldn’t scrunch my body down low enough. I felt like I wanted to crawl under that dead tree, as if I wanted to get so low as to burrow underground. God made me feel like I had to come so LOW, as to be flattened in the grass. My face was literally on the ground —and that wasn’t low enough! I had never felt like this before, but I recalled brother Gary’s experience crawling around on the carpet at a meeting and I felt fortunate to be feeling something similar to what he had felt. Oddly enough, there was a comfort in it. It wasn’t as if I felt demeaned or berated by God. It was just so painfully, yet comfortably humble!
I continued. . . “God, I am more worthless than this dirt, but even this dirt brings forth grass! Things grow out of this dirt! This earth under me brings forth “fruit” . . . it produces trees and shrubs and flowers—-in abundance! Please subdue me so thoroughly in my flesh that I might be worthy to be used by you, to produce fruit—of the Spirit!” Ohhhh, I went on and on. . . and then there was a peace that washed over me when it was finished. I laid on my back, staring at the blue sky, and feeling thankful for this powerful, liberating experience.
I think that only a child of God can appreciate something like this—in fact—we welcome it, don’t we?! It brings a refreshing to the soul, a realization that God has done something with us, and hopefully taught us a new thing, helped us to see our place, recognize our weakness, our fragility, . . . our need for Him. .. our dependence on Him, . . . and how helpless we are, apart from Him.
Oh, Praise God!!!!
Brother Brad
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Brother Brad,
Thank you for this! Your testimony about this experience is precious! May God grant every person associated with me the grace to experience such conviction for righteousness.
Pastor John