Pastor John,
Sometimes, while I am falling asleep late at night, and consciousness seems to be leaving me, or during other times when I am starting to slowly awaken out of a deep sleep , on those mornings when my alarm is disabled, I will feel a real sense of my frailty as a human being come over me, and it will cause me to feel, to a much greater depth, my utter dependence on God. It is as if, during those times while half-asleep and with a mind that is clear and nearly shut down, an understanding of who I really am is given to me. An understanding that when I shut my eyes, I may never open them again, unless the Lord wakes me up once more. Sometimes, during these times between consciousness and sleep, I can hear my heartbeat as I lie there, and I will realize that I am hearing the rhythm of a clock, my clock, and it is most certainly winding down my life. And then there are other times when the weight of another day’s work and the aches and pains of a body that is wearing out can be felt, and it will remind me that all of this is just for a very short season, and that I am indeed going to die. And though hardly awake during any of these events, I can feel them each and every time drive me to my knees in my soul, and cause me to cry out for God’s help and mercy on me.
Yesterday, I arrived home from work in the afternoon with just enough time available to take a 40 minute nap before going to the tract room. I was really exhausted, as I had not slept much during the nights that preceded. So, I made quick work of getting to my pillow, and I fell asleep immediately. I then felt myself coming out of that sleep, after what I perceived then to have been a short nap. As I was coming to, I felt an awesome fear of the Lord upon me, as if He were close by and I was ever so small, exposed and helpless in His presence. The feeling of His nearness frightened me, as I felt what I can only describe now as the feeling of “eternity” with Him. I felt true judgment and the feeling of forever, in his presence. Then, in my heart and without uttering an earthly sound, I cried out “God I am praising you!!” and in fear of Him, I threw myself prostrate to the floor. I then heard Him speak and He said, “I don’t want your praise, I want your obedience and your work.” And at the same moment that God spoke those words to me, another voice from somewhere unseen spoke to me as well, and though the messages were spoken simultaneously, I understood them both, equally, as if I had given nothing but my full attention to each, and I heard, “Praise isn’t for God; it is for you.” And with those words came this understanding: God allows us to feel the power of His Spirit crying out praises to Him through our earthly vessels, for our benefit, not His.
I then got up and went and did my work at the tract room.
Jerry
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Thanks, Jerry.
Part of what you said reminds me of what the Lord told my father once, after he had been healed. As he rode home from the doctor’s office, my father started praising God, and Jesus said, “Shut up! I want your praises to be in how you live from now on!”
My father shut up, and after that experience, he set his mind as never before to doing the work God had given him to do. Kind of that way you said you did!
As for your last point, God is so good, to give us work to do, or to give us the spirit of praise and worship, and then give us strength to accomplish those things – and then pat us on the head and say, “Good job!” You just cannot beat God for goodness and mercy.
Thanks again.
Pastor John