Morning!
This blog is so good.* It’s tough sometimes when I think back on the times of my teenage years that I was away from the saints and the precious things Jesus was doing in peoples lives at that time, and to remember the foolishness of my youth. I remember my thinking at that time and how I thought I was wanting to do my own thing, but really, I was just running from God. I had to learn a lot of things the hard way. BUT, when Jesus started tugging on my heart, and I began to humble myself to his call, my life changed, my attitude changed, everything changed. (I was 26 by then.) Then I started seeing and feeling the remorse of the things I had done and missed. As time went on, it would be heavy on me the more I learned and felt in the Spirit. I would pray and ask Jesus for help and relief often. One night in a meeting, the Spirit was blessing us all, and in the middle of that, I heard “I have restored what the canker worm has eaten”. Shew! That went straight down to my heart. I knew from that moment on, everything that was happening with me in Jesus was new and not repentance from the past. What a sweet feeling that was!
Then, a few years later, after that relief, I would ask Jesus why I went the places I did, like why was it so bad the way I acted and some of the places I ended up in my life. I read a blog you wrote on “The losers are the winners”** written for Uncle Joe. When I read it, I just cried and cried. It put me under conviction. I got still and read it over and over again. At the end of it, I heard the Spirit say to me the answer to my question of why it was the way it was. The answer was so tender: “Because I wanted you”. 
That put an end to the wondering and the feeling so bad about things. It allowed me to be happy and understand. Now I say, I’m so sorry I was that way Lord, but thank you for rescuing me! And he put a joy down in my heart that is everlasting!
When I read the George C. Clark stories***, and read parts of him feeling the feelings of things he had done wrong in his past, he said they made him go to God instead of going away from Him. That really pricked my heart. And I have tried to implement that in my own journey with Jesus. Sometimes I “need a little help from my friends” but I’m so thankful that I have a love in my heart for the truth and life Jesus has given me. The love of the truth and what Jesus has done for me has saved me thus far.
So, I agree that my years are not wasted. I have learned so much through my mistakes. And Jesus gave me what I needed to see those things for what they are, the love of God for me. I do wish I would have taken the higher road many times, that’s the best way, but I needed to learn who I was in order to be who I am. 
Shew, that brings tears to my eyes. I love this life, and I love you all who Jesus has put around me.
Amy B.
* Pastor John’s House Blog: 12/14/22 (pastorjohnshouse.blogspot.com)
** https://goingtojesus.com/gtj_thoughts.html?tname=tfe12-15