Hey Pastor John,
I have had the sweetest couple of weeks. I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night with praises and thankfulness just pouring out of my heart. I’m not exactly sure what Jesus has done but it’s been so wonderful!
I had a dream the other night, one part of the dream I was in a house and the carpets were being cleaned. I watched as the dirt and mud was being washed away, in my mind I remember thinking, “Wow, I always thought that carpet was a dingy beige” but it wasn’t! It was a beautiful, bright shiny white carpet! Wow, that is what Jesus is doing for me!
I’ve been trying to write an email to tell you how thankful I am and what Jesus is doing, and has done, but I could not find the words. Today, I was reading a book (Hinds’ Feet on High Places), and as I was reading, it felt like I was reading my own testimony:
This (from the book) is how I felt when I went backwards one time, and thought I had lost Jesus, you, and the body:
“During that awful moment or two, it seemed to her that she was actually looking into an abyss of horror, and to an existence in which there was no Shepherd to follow, or to trust or to love, no Shepherd at all, nothing but her own horrible self. Even after, it seemed that she had looked straight down into hell. At the end of that moment she shrieked–there is no other word for it.”
But this is what I felt after hearing from you, “it’s not too late, Michelle”:
“‘Shepherd! Shepherd! Help me! Where are you? Don’t leave me!’ In the next instant she was clinging to Him, trembling from head to foot, and sobbing, over and over again, ‘You may do anything, Shepherd. You may ask anything, only don’t let me turn back. Oh, my Lord, don’t let me leave you!’”
Jesus brought me back, and I started one of the hardest but sweetest trials of my life…. (thus far)
“He lifted her up, supported her by her arm, and with his own hand, wiped the tears from her cheeks. Then said, in his strong cheery voice, ‘There is no question of turning back. No one can pluck you out of my hand.’
Looking back, the awful glimpse down into the abyss of an existence without him had so staggered and appalled her heart that she felt she could never be quite the same again. However, it had opened her eyes to the fact that right down in the depths of her own heart, she really had but one passionate desire, not for the things which the Shepherd had promised, but for He himself. All she wanted was to be allowed to follow him forever.”
Pastor John, I sat here and read that and just started crying because that is my heart! That is what Jesus has done for me! He is my everything. My dearest friend. These quiet moments in my little apartment talking to him and hearing him talk back to me are priceless. I love the sweet, precious life that Jesus has given me. It’s truly remarkable, the deep settled peace I feel in my soul. I never thought this was possible, but God.
Love you,
Michelle