Dear Pastor John,
Ever since that few weeks period in February when I was preaching all over town, including during the nights in my street, and then God gently touched me through your e-mail message, and redirected me to the way of the Spirit, from time to time I have been tempted by the thought that I’m a “Jonah” who is running away from his calling. Thoughts and feelings of condemnation have been trying to find a way into my heart, but the longer I’ve been following the feelings of the Spirit, the less powerful these temptations have felt.
A few weeks ago, I had a very powerful experience, but I’ve been hesitant to share it. However, there were a number of instances during the Sunday morning meeting, when I felt God was telling me to go ahead and share it; which I had actually prayed He would do if it was from Him. So here it is, I hope it will help or encourage someone.
A few weeks ago, during the time I was re-reading Preacher Clark’s biography* (which, by the way, was a huge blessing in and of itself), I started to feel that familiar feeling which I was feeling back in February, that, back then, made me go out to the streets. It was very strong; so strong that I started to believe it was from God. I even got to the point that my mind was already made up to go, when suddenly 1John 4:1-2 came to my mind: “Do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God… By this, the Spirit of God is known: every spirit that confesses Jesus Christ when he has come into a person is of God”. But how do I apply that in this situation? – I asked the question. And I immediately knew: If this burden that I am right now feeling is really from God, then if I start praying in the Spirit, the feeling will only become stronger, and God’s Spirit will confirm that it is from Him. So I started praying in tongues and, to my astonishment, within moments the feeling completely disappeared, as if it had never even been there. What followed was feelings of immense relief and perfect peace.
It has been a learning process for me to understand, accept and have peace about the idea that conviction (even having strong feelings) about a specific religious activity is not necessarily from God. That there are real religious (ungodly) spirits that can give you zeal about doing certain things “for God”, and yet doing those things leaves the Lord untouched, in fact, He would rather that you not do them.
When following and serving Jesus is very strongly tied to certain activities in one’s mind, it can be hard to believe, when the real Spirit of God comes and tells you: “I don’t want you to do this. This is not my burden. My yoke is easy, my burden is light. Be free!” You can be very seriously tempted with fear that abandoning that certain activity would be turning away from Jesus himself. But I am so thankful for you, Pastor John, because by learning the truth I have started to get to know the real Jesus, the real Spirit of God, the real love of God; and breaking free from spirits of superstition and false religion has made all(!) the difference in my life. A few days ago I wrote a letter to a brother I haven’t met for many months, and in it I told him this: “I have never felt healthier and more whole, mentally and emotionally speaking, in my life than I do now; and I know that if I continue in the love and the wisdom of God, it will only get better.”
To be sure, I am not saying that God cannot or would not call a person to public preaching (or to something else,). He might even call me to do that at some point. Who knows? But it is so important that we be led by the real spirit of God, and we do not let false religion put burdens on us that, under the guise of “serving God”, actually move us further away from that sweet communion of the Father and the Son.
Zoli
* https://www.pioneertract.com/