Good Morning Pastor John!
As a few are aware, we lost a pregnancy recently. Just shy of a week of what we thought would be officially announced.
For several weeks, things had been touch and go. Hurry up and wait and wait again. Over time it took a toll on me. I tried to stay optimistic by ignoring feelings, in what I know now were the Spirit letting me know this wasn’t working out. I started to feel beat down, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. Alex’s take on how I was doing was that I was here, but I wasn’t here.
Alex and I were talking shortly after. I didn’t want this to take me to a dark place. I knew the Margo of years ago would have dug a trench Jesus would have had to rescue me from. I said, “You know, I’ve been through some things in this life that most people without the holy Ghost would never recover from.” But Jesus has done the impossible in every situation. Why would this be any different? We started giggling and realized most worldly people would think we are crazy. Why aren’t we angry or pounding the floor in grief? How could our God do this to us? And don’t get me wrong; this has been an emotional roller coaster and painful. I still have those crying moments. BUT Jesus is the lifter up of our heads. It’s okay to feel sad, but I can’t stay there. Jesus has been too good for him to have to come dig me out again. I would have been a mess without knowing through this that God designs all things for us.
Alex said to me recently, “Welcome back; I missed you.” Or something to that effect. Soon after that, I started hearing thoughts like, “What are you chasing after?” I had been so distracted with the “want” of a baby and other things, I was completely missing everything in front of me. Jesus gave me a wonderful job. We have two beautiful children that are growing quickly. And I have a wonderful husband. Life was just passing me by.
So, this weekend we planned a little day trip, something we knew would be easy for my physically and not too far from home. We had the best time. At the very end, we got caught in a heavy rain storm. Many people were running up the hill because they didn’t want to get wetter. About half way up, I had the thought, “Why are you in a hurry? Regardless if you rush or not, you are still going to be soaking wet? Those other people are still going to be soaking wet.” The destination was the same, and I had a choice as to whether I was going to enjoy where I was or be in a hurry. All I could do was look up, start laughing, and enjoy the moment.
When we got home, I told Alex that for the first time, I didn’t think. I didn’t worry about what needed to be done or what our next move was. It was simply enjoying the time Jesus gave us.
I have no clue what Jesus has in store next for us. Whether that’s an addition or something else. But I know it’s the perfect plan, and I don’t have to be in a hurry to get there.
I love you, and I’m so thankful for our family.
Margo
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Hi Margo,
This is a wonderful testimony. Trusting God to be in control of all things for our good, even when things are not going as we hoped or as we would like, is the only way to escape “the root of bitterness” (Heb. 12:15). Disappointment is a great test of the heart, and many fail it. It is a blessing for me to hear that you are overcoming the flesh’s addiction to self-will and are resting in faith in the peace of Jesus.
Not many recognize it as such, but the bitterness that creeps in when disappointments come is actually a form of self-will. It often happens that people refuse to be happy because they are not getting what they want. I love the apostle Paul’s faith, who said, “I have learned to be content in whatever state I am. I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all circumstances, I have learned the secret, both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to be in need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Phip. 4:11b-13).
Paul didn’t desire to be hated or beaten as he was on several occasions. No sane person would want that, as he testified, he had learned the secret of true happiness! And that secret was to rest in the promises of God. As Paul told the Romans, “I consider the sufferings of this present time to be unworthy of comparison with the glory that shall be revealed to us” (Rom. 8:18).
We can feel that way, too, and I am glad you are feeling that way and testifying to what God will do for our hearts if we put our trust in Him.
Thank you for this precious testimony!
Pastor John