Pastor John,
Last night’s meeting was so good! It took me back to this past year around our house. Big but it was good lessons along the way.
I always had such misconceptions of what the right relationship between a husband and a wife was. I spent most of my life as what I would call the “leader” and as Alex would tell you, I came into our marriage with A LOT of trust issues in the beginning.
I remember the day I asked Alex very seriously, “Are you able to lead?” At the time I was viewing it from a fleshly perspective and what I thought I knew about marriage. But I was tired. I knew I had spent a lifetime carrying a load that was not mine and longed for my place. Over a short period, and Jesus fast-tracking us, I learned that leadership is not physical. It is not someone barking orders or making demands. It starts and ends in the Spirit. It is not meant to keep you bound in a little box with no testimony, but to help you grow with Jesus. The Spirit does not care if you are 25 or 45. If you have life experience or not. Jesus can teach you your space, and it doesn’t need to take decades to figure out, when truly walking with Jesus.
Times that Alex has had to set me back in my space, it has rarely been in human words. It comes with a look and feeling of authority. I can’t really explain it. But it settles something in me. It does not belittle or bully. It just firmly sets everything in order so that we can both keep on keeping on. Even in the times he has had to voice something, it still feels the same. I love that. There is a relief and rest in how Jesus has ordered things. And it is not my job to tell him I “think” he is wrong.
I remember one day I did feel a little misjudged/unheard. Jesus thought otherwise because he told me it was not my job to manage Alex. I remember the Spirit saying, “If I have an issue with him, I will tell him.”
I know I have so much more to learn along the way. But what a year of learning it has been! I want to learn the lessons now. To be an example to other couples one day.
This week, I have been thinking about occupying my place in the body. Asking Jesus to show me why he has allowed me to be set apart. I really want to step up and into what Jesus has for me. The work here is so special, and I want to do my part to function. After the meeting last night, I got to thinking that it is impossible to have a right relationship with anyone if the husband-and-wife dynamic is not what it should be. How can I occupy my place in the body if things are not in order at home? I can’t; it is impossible. I can’t love my sisters with the love of God if I am sassy/snarky with my husband at home. I cannot respect you or my brothers if I cannot respect the authority at home. How can I humbly take correction or recognize the authority that you as our pastor have over the body? Can’t do it. Jesus perfectly designed marriage to reflect the order of the body, and I don’t think I really saw that until last night. The truth is so simple, yet BIG.
Talk to you soon!
Margo