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Good Morning Pastor John,
It seems like there is always something in our week lately that goes right with the meeting. I really love what Donna said about familiar things that trigger a response in you, and letting go.
Last weekend, Alex put brakes on his car. As we know, almost nothing like that ever goes as planned. Some issues came up with extra parts needing replaced. As the job went on, there were things Alex needed my help with, which I was happy to do. However, there was this thing in me that started peeking its head. My entire life, I had always been yelled at by a man in a garage, whether it was my Daddy or others. Just very verbal and hostile situations. This was my first time helping Alex with a garage project, and I could feel the trigger rising. I started getting anxious and could feel my eyes filling with tears. It was frustrating because I trust Alex, and he has never said one cross word to me. But there it was, the nag of the past. I knew Alex was picking up on it. He gently hugged me, and I said, “This is something I have got to let go of; it is not you.” In the moment I was telling Jesus I did not want that anymore. Alex hugged me tighter, and it was like Jesus hugging me saying, “It is okay; just give it to me now.” After that, I never felt it again. I was free to help and have peace. We finally shut the garage around 11pm that night, and we just giggled going to bed. No one had ugly things to apologize for or had gotten out of the way with each other. Just the sweet feeling of Jesus doing what he does best, and a good day’s work.
A few nights later, we were cleaning up dinner. Allison and I were wiping things, while Alex washed a few straggling dishes. I had placed his water cup on the counter and loosened the lid. However, I did not tell him about the lid not being tight. As Allison and I were still cleaning, he grabs the cup (full of water) and it spills on the counter and floor. This would have at one point, just like a garage, been a huge deal. Alex did not miss a beat. No hurry or anything. He just grabbed a towel and he and Allison peacefully cleaned up and moved on. Afterward, I thought to myself, “Wow, I did not go to that place of panic!” The trigger was gone. And Alex’s knee-jerk reaction was no reaction at all. It made me so thankful that Allison gets to grow up this way. That I get to live this way, where the reactions are not volatile, or there just is not one at all.
I love how Jesus brings up things along the way to relieve of us them. That kind of healing, many people spend their whole lives in therapy for, and still are never free. It touches me that Jesus really does want us free from those old ways. Whether it is a behavior in us or our reaction. That thing has been a burden to me. And Alex has been so kind and patient when it had arisen. BUT Jesus said, “No more. Time to kick it to the curb.”
Thankful to be learning and growing even in the small things.
Love you,
Margo