Hi John,
Today, I was looking for a certain Bible verse that I had typed in my phone notes, and I came across this testimony that I had written down a couple of years ago. I read it to Tina this morning and it blessed me all over again, so I wanted to share it! I have told part of this testimony in a meeting, but there are parts that I haven’t shared and I felt they were worth sharing. What a wonderful visitation this was from the Lord! This is what I wrote:
February 24, 2004
Tonight, I had a wonderful experience with Jesus and I want to write it out so I won’t forget it!
I read a “Random Thought” before bed titled “Without God”.* In it, Pastor John described what it means to worship God in vain. He wrote that we can worship God by invitation only and that worshipping any other way is in vain. God’s mercy calls us and then we respond, and we should be ready when that happens. Stay available! By the time I got to the end of the reading, I was feeling that invitation from Jesus, and I couldn’t wait to turn out my light and get still. I was lying on my back in the dark with my eyes opened and I was looking around my bedroom as if I might see Jesus standing there. I whispered, “I don’t know why I am looking around this room for you because you are not that far away. I can feel you right here close to me.” He felt much closer than my ceiling or the walls.
I was not expecting at all what the Spirit then spoke to me. He said, “You know when Pastor John was warning you all about having that deep Pentecostal worry? That was for you.” When he said that, I put my hand over my mouth and let out a little gasp because I immediately knew what he was talking about.
Let me explain. During the previous Sunday meeting and again on the Monday morning by the fire, Pastor John had warned us about not getting under that “heavy, gloomy, old-line Pentecostal worry”, where we worry about Jesus seeing something bad in our heart. He reminded us instead to be anxious for nothing, and assured us that if there was something God needed to show us, he would do it. We just needed to be available to hear it. And in the meantime, be happy!
When he told us those things on Sunday, I thought it was very good advice, but I honestly did not think that kind of worry applied to me. Generally speaking, I am not a big worrier. But lying in my bed last night, the spirit immediately brought an example of that kind of worrying to my mind. It was this: I worry sometimes about not making it to heaven. I don’t dwell on it, but now and again when I do think about it, I just have a hard time imagining myself making it in. Instead, I picture myself standing at the gate and they let me know they found something in my heart that I hadn’t known was there, or they tell me something I’ve done that I forgot to ask forgiveness for. It feels silly to me as I write this, but it’s true. And it makes no sense because I am not walking around with a guilty conscience. Recently, Ben and I read in 1Corinthians were Paul says he knew nothing against himself, but Jesus is the judge. I stopped and told Ben that’s how I feel. I don’t know of anything I’ve done, but Jesus is the judge. When praising God at our last Saturday night meeting, I had the thought as I looked up at my hands when praising God, “Clean hands; clean heart!” I felt like I was praising God with clean hands and a clean heart and it felt so good! So, why I have this fear about not making it into heaven, I don’t even know. It really does not make any sense. It really is one of those baseless Pentecostal worries.
But lying in my bed last night, the spirit told me that what Pastor John said about the Pentecostal worry was for me, and I knew exactly what he meant. He said to me, “I want you to stop that! From now on, I want you to think of heaven as your home.” He added, “You just keep loving me and you will be fine.” Wow!! That was so big to me!! I covered my face with my hands and just cried and said, “Oh God!”
The God of this universe told me that heaven is my HOME! I felt such a relief from a burden that I didn’t even realize I had been carrying! I told him I would never forget this. And then quickly changed that to, “Please don’t ever let me forget this!”
He also pointed out an example of me with my grandchildren and how much I enjoy them when we are together. Reminding me much I love to love up on them and watch them playing and having a good time, carefree and uninhibited. And then he asked me, “How would you feel if your grandchildren were afraid of you, or they were constantly worried you were going to punish them at any moment?” I thought how sad that would make me feel for them because my intentions towards them are only good and loving. He was driving home Pastor John’s point about not getting under that worry thing and just be happy!
It was the sweetest time with Jesus. Finally, as I was lying there in the dark thinking about sitting around the fire at PJ’s earlier that day, I saw myself in my usual seat and I pictured everyone else in their seats and Pastor John sitting on the couch with Barbara where he usually sits. I was imagining him talking to us, telling us wonderful things and us there listening to and hanging on to his every word (as usually happens). The Spirit interrupted my thoughts and said so tenderly, “I love your pastor.” I told him through tears, “I do, too.”
It’s now after 3:00 am and I have to wake up at 6:00 am to go to work. Not sure if I am going to make it! :). But I am having a hard time sleeping after hearing from the King himself telling me to think of heaven as my home! That’s so big! I hope I never have another worry about making it in. Oh Jesus! I love you so much!! I read in 1Corinthinans 16:22 tonight, “If anyone feels no affection for the Lord Jesus Christ, let him be accursed.” I thought, “What?? How could anyone not feel affection for you, Jesus?” Just the idea of that made me feel offended!
He also reminded me tonight to love the people he’s put in my life. And I asked him, “Even if they don’t love you?” He said, “Yes.” I told him, “I feel offended that they don’t love you.” (Thinking about family members with the holy Ghost who have turned their backs on Jesus). He said, “Be kind to them for your own sake.” I understood what he meant. I thought about Galatians 6:10, “So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good toward all men, but especially toward those of the household of faith.” That kind of life leaves no room for regrets. It wasn’t a correction. I feel Jesus is pleased with the way I have treated them.
I am so thankful for that visit from Jesus and his wonderful instructions to me for living, but it’s not lost on me that the wonderful experience I had was a direct result of your teaching us, John. I loved that part of my testimony when the Spirit said to me, “I love your pastor.” It brought tears to my eyes just typing it again. I read earlier today when Paul wrote, “To me, the least of all saints, was this grace given, to preach among the Gentiles the incomprehensible richness of Christ.” That’s what you’ve been given to do, Pastor John, “Preach the incomprehensible richness of Christ” to us sheep. And you’ve done such a wonderful job getting that richness to us! I love it! If it goes in and becomes us, then it leads to these kinds of wonderful experiences with Jesus. Whew! It’s just so rich!!
And finally, I read this in Philippians 3:20-21 and just had to smile: “Our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we earnestly await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body into the likeness of his glorious body by the operation of the power by which he is able to subdue all things to himself.” Wow!
With much love and thankfulness!
Lee Ann
*Going to Jesus.com – Without God