Good Morning Pastor John,
I woke up this morning early and had the sweetest thought. Jesus really turned my darkness into light.
I have fought depression for as long I can remember. Even as a young girl I had a heavy sadness that seemed to follow me. By 2010, I had been through multiple in-patient centers, seen multiple psychologists, and I cannot name all the medications I had tried. I remember waking up and dreading seeing daylight. I did not want to get out of bed, let alone have to try to function for another 12 hours. I remember the day I called out to Jesus. I was on my couch. All the kids were gone for the day. I lay on that couch for hours crying and wanting relief. I had once met a person who told me about how God changed his life. He said everything had fallen apart for him, his job, marriage, and his zeal for life. Then one day after a really bad day, his truck broke down and he just crumbled. He got out of the truck on the side of the road and just cried out to God. He said he told God, “I can’t take anymore, Go! If you are really there, then help me! Take over my life. I can’t take any more.”
Then a peace came, and a rainbow appeared in the sky. After that, his whole life changed. Now, I was leery of this story, but for some reason I remembered this as I lay there sobbing. I cried out to Jesus. I said, “Jesus, I don’t know if you’re real or not, but if you are, I need you. Every day is so awful. Help me, Jesus! Please send someone to love my babies like I do. I am tired, Lord, and I really can’t take care of them. Please, Jesus, I am so tired.”
Things got really bad for about two months after that. I lost my home, and my children moved in with their dad and step-mom. I lived on a relative’s couch. It was during this time that I reconnected with Jerry. I look back now, and I can see Jesus in every step. Then, I just remember feeling a little hope again. Jesus did not instantly fix things. He ever so gently removed damaged pieces. Like a loving surgeon, my sweet Jesus cut and took out all that darkness, and added light.
I woke up this morning excited for my day — excited to open the blinds — excited to live. Jesus really is the light. Literally removing my darkness. Praise God! I am so thankful for life, for light and for Jesus. I just wanted to share that this morning.
Beth