Hi pastor John,
I have been really enjoying the things I have been learning and feeling over the last couple of weeks. When I think of some of the things that have been said, the words “sobering”, “peace”, “safety” and “order” come to mind. This seems to be the overall theme of what I have been feeling from you and others lately. I don’t really know how to put what I have been thinking & feeling into words, but it feels clean and right. Your messages on “Just one plural ‘you’”, on being free to be either a wise or foolish virgin (but not free to sin), on eating & drinking unworthily; and the songs and dreams people have had about pride (Token, Amy); and the corrections and reproving that some have been receiving. Just to name a few – there is so much bread from Jesus I feel like I’m not able to eat it all!
I listened to the Tithes and Offerings CD the other day, and after I was finished, I had such strong thoughts of “clean”, and “pure”, and “authority”, and feelings of thankfulness, that I had to jump up and shout and dance. After a few minutes I felt drunk! It felt so good, and sobering at the same time. I spent most of my teen and early adult years trying to be a rebel, and scoffing at authority, and despising government..but Jesus has begun to show me that I was really just rebelling against who he really created me to be. I’m finding out that I actually like being under authority, and that it brings such a feeling of peace and safety. It was so much work trying to be that person!
Another thing – about a week ago I had a good conversation with sister Margaret on the phone. I was updating her on the previous Skype meetings and she was telling me how things were going with her. We were talking about eating & drinking unworthily and she said something that I felt like was a word from the Lord for me. I had just been praying for God to speak to me in some way – to teach me something new or let me know something – when Margaret called. She said something like, “You know, when we show up for the meetings on Skype, it’s the same as showing up for the meeting in person. You have to have a clean heart and be living clean with a clear conscience to be worthy to be there. They can feel us in the Spirit when we are there.” This was so good to me. “Sin will not be allowed in that place” doesn’t mean a physical place – it’s a spiritual place. There had been some things in my life that I just wasn’t sure about, like having a wrong attitude towards people (such as my wife & kids) who have not come to understand the changes that God has made (and is making) in me. What Margaret said made me step back and examine myself and my attitude. I have just enough knowledge from God to be dangerous or hurtful to someone, if I have the wrong attitude.
And speaking of having a wrong attitude, I have had at least two dreams lately that were sort of similar to brother Tim’s dream of having a wrong attitude towards Christians and others who have not come to know/understand the truth. I wish I had written them down, because I forget the specifics now. Basically, there were several instances in my dreams in which I was mistreating a person whenever they were opening up to me. They were being honest with me and sharing their thoughts and feelings, and I would scoff, or sneer, or roll my eyes, or ignore them and walk away, or something like that, to show my disapproval of the things they believed. I can remember waking up and having such a bad feeling after treating them that way. It was as if I was “slapping them in the face” for what they believed, and Jesus was letting me feel the hurt that they felt for my attitude towards them.
Sorry for the book, but I wanted to share some of what I’ve been thinking and feeling lately. I am so very thankful that Jesus rescued me and led me to a man who teaches things that feel right and clean and holy. This work and this group of people that God has put under your care is a HUGE thing. It is the tiniest little thing on the planet (when you think of the billions of people out there worshiping God in thousands of different ways), and yet, because of what God has done, it is the BIGGEST thing on the planet from what I have seen! He truly has chosen the “foolish” and “base” and “weak” and “despised” things of the world to confound the wise and the things which are mighty. Praise God!
Vince