Hi Pastor John!
I had a lesson from God last week.
Sometimes I have these feelings come of wanting more assurance from the Lord. I have had amazing experiences with Jesus, and most of the time I feel very connected to Jesus. Every once in a while, though, I have a thought come, like “Lord, are you really there? I want to know you are really really there.”
Last week, I asked Jesus to let me know that He is really there. Not to just believe, but know. Let me know like Preacher Clark knew. Let me know I have that quarter in my pocket, as he used to say it. The next day I woke up feeling awful. I felt heavy and empty. I felt like the old Beth, and I hated it. This feeling lasted 4 days. I put in CDs, and I could not feel anything. I tried a lot of CDs…I felt nothing. I read the bible, and again I felt nothing. After days of feeling miserable, I came home and told Jerry how awful I felt. Jerry knew that something was wrong, but he could not help me. Finally, I could not take it anymore. I went in the bedroom, and I said, “Jesus help me! I cannot take this feeling anymore. Please take it from me. I am so used to being happy, and I don’t like this feeling.”
As soon as I said that and realized what I said, I felt it lift. I felt more like myself again. I thought that maybe Jesus wanted me to realize how happy and blessed I am, but there was more.
I drove to Kentucky on Saturday, and Jesus showed me the whole lesson.
The Lord had pulled away those four days, and showed me what I feel like without Him. I could not make myself feel better. I could not talk myself into feeling Jesus. I tried. I tried hard, but it did not work. I could not put in a CD and feel those sweet feelings from the spirit because that comes from Jesus. That is a gift from Jesus EVERY time. It is never once something I do or control.
Beth